As suggested by a supportive blogger and many others that I ignored
Things that make me happy :
Food. I know that’s a bad number one but it’s true. Ice creams cures a tummy ache. Pizza cures a bad day. Anything with cheese feels like you’re being cuddled from the inside. Tea that made me feel home. Hot chocolate that made me feel I was somewhere else. And good pastas that make you pause and savour the many flavours. There’s so many times that food just made me feel better. I know it’s all bad carbs and sugar and it’s like an addictive drug… But yummm.
2. Swimming. This goes both ways due to the body shaming when I was younger. So while the last thing I want to be seen in is a swimming costume, theres moments I still remember where I felt like I belonged in water. Bath tubs, showers… I had to stop swimming for a few years and that’s when my depression got worse. I can’t link the two as there were many other factors: high school, no friends, epileptic… But I still remember moments when I lay floating in a pool and I felt it heal me.
3. Reading. When I was very young I’d choose reading over everything. It was my escape. New worlds. Brave heros. Ud choose easy light reads. Adventures. Love stories. Friend stories. My mum used to push me to read harder books. I remember she borrowed one called pinocchios sister. I was told to write down words I didn’t understand and learn from the book. That ruined the adventure. I became pedantic. Wrote down every word. Didn’t understand things. I think the book even contained a rape scene. I still read, but in high school i stopped. It didn’t help me make friends. TV was way more popular among peers. Now I hardly ever read, I try to but it rare that books absorb me. The last book I finished was two years ago: gone girl. It was amazing.
4. Movies. A good movie that takes me by surprise. It’s rare but it helps.
5. The beach. Again a place of great dread due to body shaming and I never went for years but when I did it was always fun.
6. Painting and drawing.
7. Having stuff I wrote read by others and liked.
8. Adventure. This should be higher up on the list. I love finding new places and exploring and trying new things. When I’m happy I’m curious. It’s impossible to do it often due to financial constraints but I do love a random walks and spontaneous drives to anywhere and bus/train trips.
9. Good conversation with someone who finds my jokes funny.
10. Cuddling and watching series w the bf on a lazy weekend
12. Listening to songs from my past that I know the words to and singing them at the top of my voice
13. A guy flirting with me
14. Beautiful parks and landscapes and sunsets
15. Exercise. When I can get myself to gym. It makes me happy but getting there and starting is hard. My sister used to give me lots of kak about gym. How I do it wrong, how I’m not losing enough weight, how I’m wasting her money (this was ten years ago when she got me my first gym membership).
17. Lying in the sun listening to music
18. Making other people laugh
My head hurts terribly from all the upsetness. That’s all I can do for now.