I feel like I’ve only put on weight on my tummy. A lot of weight but only on my tummy. My tummy sticks out like I’m pregnant.
Maybe it’s all the stress that I’ve been enduring in the last few months.
Well on Thursday it’s one last trip home after four months of regularly visiting with my family. Then it’s just me again. Hopefully until November. And I can heal and transform and no longer feel weighed down with the anxiety of being judged by them. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family,I miss them and it’s great when I’m with them… But I don’t feel strong enough currently or in love with myself that I can handle them. I’ve been very sensitive in the last year. I understand it’s me trying to heal so I’m going with it.
When my mum came down to visit me, I spoke to her about it and she agreed but I felt I just added pressure to her instead of easing things. my mum is the pacifier. She sides with everyone to make them feel better.
Anyhow, my goal this year is to heal. To be positive,forward looking and rekindle the passion inside me. It’s a year to start dreaming again.
I wrote a list of my 2017 goals on my whiteboard :
1. Let go of all that doesn’t serve you
2. Always put yourself first- feelings, needs… No one else will.
3. Read. Explore. Keep learning.
4. Choose love and gratitude every day.
5. Open your heart. Be kind. Heal. Let people in.
6. Be yourself. All the time. 100% authenticity.
7. Spend wisely.
I feel that focusing on losing weight just fuels my self hate. Regardless how I spin it. When I see myself slimmer, the self hate screams louder.
I’m going to do an emotional eating journal here just to help me heal. Will put the list up if anyone else is keen to do it.
So that’s my hope for 2017. Change my story. Find my heart. Have fun.