Sinking

I feel like a giant plaster of denial has been ripped off my heart.  And it hurts like crazy.

He cheated on me. He lied repeatedly and he chose to sleep with another woman while pretending to work on our relationship. 

It hurts so much. 

There was a point where I thought it didn’t matter. Where I believed the love we had was more important. 

But I think I just numbed it. I just covered it up and kept going. Like the perfect abused woman.  Desperate just for love. For the trickle of love he drops on me now and then. 

On Wednesday I go for my sti test. I’m nervous. I’m angry. I’m so deeply hurt. I just want to jump out of this moment.  To escape.  To disappear. 

To the counsellor he said that I have an astounding ability to love someone,  that I have so much love… Love that he spat back in my face.

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7 thoughts on “Sinking

  1. Just because you’re great at loving people who don’t love you back doesn’t mean you’re defective, it means you’re an awesome person with so much to give.

    Like

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