He called me now. I didn’t wanna write this. I know what it means. But it must be said.
He called me now. About to leave some party. I thought it would be about payment or something he wanted to make right. Clarify. Or just talk.
He just wanted to come over. He asked if I need company.
He sounded drunk. He sounded like he just wanted to shag. And after he’d called he’d realised that it was a stupid idea but he asked anyway. Acting sheepish and embarrassed after.
This shatters any hope I may have had last night that he wanted to come from out of the darkness. That he wanted to be with me in a real complete way. I know it would never happen over night. Ever.
Last night he may have said beautiful things but he never said he wanted me back in his life. He never said he wanted to make things work with me. Only that in hindsight he realised that he lost something great.
I deserve much much more. I know it. Even if I don’t feel it right now.
I deserve real love.