Every time 

With every break up, or disappearance of a loved one or a crushing of spirit by them, I examine myself.

What if the next time they saw me I was thin and extremely successful, then would they regret it?

I’ve actually avoided every situation that could’ve led to seeing the man responsible for my first heart ache…  Because I’m not there yet. I’m not thin and beautiful and successful. If he saw me now he’d say thank gosh i escaped that.

Sure, I think that about him when I look at photos of him now.  And every other guy I ever believed would stay in my life. But i never want them to think of me that way.

I’m so tired. Made it on time to work three days this week.  Maybe next week I can add gym. Just to keep my emotions in check for now. To make me feel better.

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8 thoughts on “Every time 

  1. I’m going to sound like a total bitch here, but you DO realize that pointing out to him what he’s missing out on is still being connected to him, right?
    I don’t mean to sound harsh, but that’s what it means…you want him to know what he’s done, if I’m guessing.
    Maybe its time for you, girl? Maybe it’s time to truly let go…sure, he hurt you, but you seem like such a wonderful woman to allow this to beat you down.
    I read your blog and I am hoping for you to be happy…I think you deserve it. 🙂

    (I hope I don’t sound harsh…and I’m sorry, if I do, because I know I got issues that probably makes me a hypocrite.)

    Like

    1. It’s not harsh at all. Ironically, in my missing him I attracted two situations. One: a conversation with a woman who had been abused for years and is now divorced. We shared stories. And two: a movie on inner child wounding that affects adult life. Full of abuse, neglect and cycles of sabotage. I feel like right now he’s just an addiction. It’s cold and rainy and for three years he was my blanket of human warmth. I just need to stop now. And thank you. Sometimes a slap is the best way to get someone to wake up

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Let those people go. Work on yourself for YOU and no one else. Who cares if they’d treat you differently if you lost weight. They’re assholes if they do that and it proves how shallow they are.

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      1. Sorry I thought we were commenting on your blog. It was in response to the make up thing and ppl treating you like shit. They’re all worthless and are just projecting their own bs on you. It’s not abt you at all

        Liked by 1 person

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