Day 1

Today didn’t start of positive. 

I dragged myself out of bed,  destroyed by the accusations of my Daniel Cleaver this weekend and continued to be plagued by my persistently annoying Mark Darcy… Who i had attempted to cut off convinced he’s a Cleaver in disguise.

My heart just wanted to be alone.

But as the day warmed by the comfort of routine, I started thinking about me again.

Me. I’m great. None of it was me.

I tell myself that to keep moving forward and i start to feel a little lighter. And when I do, it’s as if a dark cloud thins and I remember the things I want.

I want to start gyming again.

I want to put more effort into how I look. Not grab a used pair of jeans and hoodie out the wash.

I want to clear out my space. 

I want to send out my cv and hope that I find something that reawakens my passion and soul.

And the biggest thing. I want to be done with boys.  All boys. All narcissistic, sociopathic fuktards. I know why they take me.  I know why I crave them. So for now I’m done with the male species until I’m strong enough again to only let a real man into my heart.

And lastly, I want to refind my joy in being me.

Fuk friends. Fuk boys. Fuk the need for company. 

If I want to Road trip ,  I’m going to do it solo.

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2 thoughts on “Day 1

  1. Around 2008-2010, I was taking solo trips myself. I went camping alone, went to the beaches alone, and went on road trips alone. I didn’t have to ask anyone if I can do this or that. I felt free. I wish I had a company but I didn’t mind doing all that alone and had really great time. I didn’t mind if I’d have to do all that alone again. I was happy and that’s all mattered.

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    1. You are right. In London I enjoyed touring so much more because I was alone. I could turn whichever way I wanted without having to explain myself. Wow. I had forgotten that once upon a time I did have fun on my own. Thanks

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