I had a little slump…. I found myself slowly digging a hole trying to find external reassurance.
What if I am the one who’s crazy? What if I’m the narcissist? Or have a borderline personality disorder? Or I’m avoidant?
What if all the people from my past were right? That I was the problem.
I mean I struggle to make friends. I struggle to find people I click with. And somehow the people I do click with are people pretending to be someone else.
I pulled myself out with a ready set of positive affirmations…. But the thought is still there and I find myself scrutinising me.
Maybe he should get a protection order against me. Maybe he’s right about everything I did wrong. Maybe he’s right about all the ways I ruined the relationship and he’s the one who actually really lucky to have got rid of me.
Anyway, I made a pact with my colleague today. Tonight I do my cv. Tomorrow I wake up two hours early and gym and pretty myself up and get to work on time if not early.
That’ll be my step one.