Am I crazy?

I had a little slump…. I found myself slowly digging a hole trying to find external reassurance. 

What if I am the one who’s crazy? What if I’m the narcissist? Or have a borderline personality disorder? Or I’m avoidant?

What if all the people from my past were right? That I was the problem. 

I mean I struggle to make friends. I struggle to find people I click with. And somehow the people I do click with are people pretending to be someone else.

I pulled myself out with a ready set of positive affirmations….  But the thought is still there and I find myself scrutinising me.

Maybe he should get a protection order against me. Maybe he’s right about everything I did wrong.  Maybe he’s right about all the ways I ruined the relationship and he’s the one who actually really lucky to have got rid of me.

Anyway, I made a pact with my colleague today. Tonight I do my cv. Tomorrow I wake up two hours early and gym and pretty myself up and get to work on time if not early.

That’ll be my step one.

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2 thoughts on “Am I crazy?

  1. I used to wonder the same thing about myself. And then I realized I just attract the same kind of people that use me over and over again. So yes, it was me, because I was letting in the wrong people. But as far as it being my fault? Not a chance.

    Like

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