I know this is what I should be doing. And many of you have tried to slap me out of my addiction. And I know, stop sinking and focus on me.
But I keep sinking? I keep reverting to those self pity questions :
Does he miss me?
Did he ever love me?
Would he ever regret losing me?
Would he ever look back and think he really fukt things up?
I know him. I know he won’t be back. He made up his mind two months ago that he was done with me… But kept me around to make it easier for him to get over me and move on.
But then I remember me. I’m awesome. I have me. I gave the relationship my all and he doesn’t deserve me. I have a future. I’m done with his lying ass.
I have so much to do and plan and I’ve been focusing on men and sex. I even hooked up last night with a kid. A 22 year old. It was perfect, he was a religious virgin who was waiting until marriage. He just wanted to learn how to please a woman.
Yes, not my finest moment. And in it I deeply missed my ex.
But you can miss someone and not want them back in your life.
I have so much to do for myself. So much to sort out.
I need to start sending out my cv.
I wanted to start painting again.
I wanted to clean up my place to its ready for a move.
I wanted to start every morning with zumba.
I need to start.