I know everyone is tired of me 

Everyone. 

I’m tired of me. 

But this is inconceivably hard.

I feel so emotionally broken.

I tell myself over and over and over :

He doesn’t want you

He doesn’t want you

He doesn’t want you

He doesn’t.want you 

He doesn’t want you 

He doesn’t want you

Let go

Stop

But I still try

Over and over

And I keep hitting a dead wall.

And I break a little more each time 

And I get up and convince myself that I can go back 

That hes wrong

That he just can’t see how amazing we are

And I fail

And i fall

And I tell myself to stop and let go

And I repeat

He doesn’t want you

He doesn’t want you 

He doesn’t want you

And I distract myself with other people 

But as they talk I only want to talk to him

And I distract myself with hobbies

But I only want to share it with him

And he’s there if I call

He’s willing to meet if I want to

And I get excited every time

And all he says is don’t have expectations 

It’s what he said when we were courting and he didn’t want to be in a relationship. 

And I feel what he’s really saying is don’t get your hope up. I wanna shag you and leave.

And he leaves. 

Every time. 

And I fall

Emotionally dragged behind a moving car

And I slap myself and say stop it.

He doesn’t want you

Everything he does says he doesn’t want you. 

And i crawl back. 

Because for three years my home was in his arms. 

It was my comfort and my safety.

And I just wanna be home 

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7 thoughts on “I know everyone is tired of me 

    1. I wasn’t in a very good plc when I met him. It feels like a long time since I’ve enjoyed doing something on my own. I used to enjoy exercise and dancing. But my energy is so low that it’s a struggle to get to gym. I know I just have to start tho. Feel like I need a break but also feel like I don’t want to be alone right now

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m not ready but I have to do it now. Cos really all I’m doing is making it more comfortable for him to get over me and find someone else. I felt ok this morning. But now I’m sinking again. But I’m not gonna call or message him again. Not abt anything

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      1. Yeah 🙂 Just look up Crystal Czeck send me a message because I have it to where nobody but friends of friends can request me as a friend. once you message me I will request you 🙂

        Like

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