The real reason I stayed

I’m starting to feel like the reason I had clutched on to my ex was so that I wouldn’t feel how much pain I’d endured in the relationship.  If he was with me he could distract my from the truth. Hold me. Kiss me. Be there.  And I could push it all under the carpet and pretend it didn’t happen. 

It’s day two of zero communication… And I’m starting to feel the scars. I’m started to realise how much the relationship weighed me down this year. How hard I worked to try and make him stay.  How little he gave me.

I’ve been here many times.  But I could never leave.

Now he’s left for me… And I’m beginning to feel relieved that he did

It still hurts. I still miss him. I still think of ways to fix the relationship.  I still stare at my phone hoping he’d call.

But I know all that will fade as I begin to let go and heal. 

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One thought on “The real reason I stayed

  1. Just be careful. Men have a funny way of showing back up in our life just as we start to get over them. It’s like they have a radar or something. Or they think the greener grass they went after has finally faded and died, or lost its appeal, so they go back to the familiar … and we are such suckers at heart.

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