I was reading about depressed boyfriends today. They commonly leave their girlfriends and wives, blaming them for how they feel and looking to a new relationship to bring them back to life and make them happy again.
There’s no communication. One day things are great and the next day they’re gone. And no matter what you say, they don’t listen.
If you Google depressed partner left, you’d be surprised to see how often it happens. It’s so common but I’d never stumbled on it before in all my depression research.
What’s interesting however, is that depression is contagious. I never thought about it as contagious. I assumed that these are my feelings and mine alone.
One of the first steps they give to people abandoned by their depressed partners/spouses is to treat themselves for depression.
It makes sense. In the all blame and anger and fighting and crying and whatever emotion stems from the depression…. I never saw it that way.
My ex once told me when I was depressed that he didn’t want to be around me because I made him feel negative and unhappy. I thought it was uncaring and a little insensitive. But I guess with two people prone to depression, a stable healthy relationship is a tall ask. Especially if both people aren’t getting help.
I decided to make an appointment with a shrink last night. I can’t afford regular sessions. But I think it could help.
I thought it was my gut causing my depression. Which could be true. But after reading my journal I realised that I’ve been living below par, and every now and then I’d rise and fall. But my constant was below average on the happiness scale.
I find it Ironic that the first thing people notice about me is my smile. Its the first thing they see in my pictures. At a party someone once told me that i look radiant and confident and just have this consistent genuine smile. And I said that I don’t feel any of it. As if my smile was my autopilot. My resting smile face.
Maybe I was just the stereotypical happy funny fat girl. The girl too fat and unworthy to show the world that she’s hurting inside.
Anyway. On that note, depression is contagious.
Just my fyi for the day.