I wanted to buy a new dress.  Something feminine and girly that will make me feel pretty.  Even a little.

I shopped for over three hours and found nothing. All the boutique stores only go up to size 36/12 European size. All the local stores don’t know how to make clothes for bigger women.

Everything looked like a paperbag on me. All these box like cuts that kill any sign of a shape. Nothing that cuts under the boobs or has a girly flare.

In the end I just gave up.

I wish we had something like tbdress.com. I love their girly flare dresses like this:

The truth is also that I’ve been living in a hole. Every day to work I pull the same pair of jeans, grab any top and pull on a hoodie. Most mornings I don’t look in the mirror or brush my hair.

My stomach has become really big. I feel I’ve put on the most weight here. I used to have a tight stomach but it’s blown. It hangs like I’ve given birth four times and just left it.

My double chins also become unhideable.  It’s part of my face from every angle. 

I know I need to lose weight.  I know I need to start exercising.  But I don’t feel at all motivated. I feel completely dead inside. Existing. I just don’t feel motivated to try anything. Absolutely nothing excites me. I think about losing weight and my head says “then what?” As if it won’t change anything. 

There’s nothing I feel the need to work for.  I’m over everything.

I did a quiz online about why I’m single. The answer was that I’m too beautiful.  It felt like the biggest lie ever. I didn’t believe it for a second. I just shut down Chrome and did something else.


One thought on “Bummed

  1. Lose the weight for yourself. For your health. You don’t even have to exercise to start. Just count calories and the first portion of your weight will fall off. I hate exercising and haven’t even tried to do it yet.


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