Insight changes perspective 

There’s a lot of things I grew up believing only happened to me because I was fat. 

Little by little, in general conversations, I realise that a lot of the things I believe are because I’m fat actually happen to skinny people to.

For example, theres a skinny girl I chat to quite often. Shes petite. Extremely fit. Works out every day. Is probably a size 6/30 European size. Her t-shirts could be a 28/4. If not smaller.

Talking to her I realised that her thighs also rub together. Yes its on a much smaller level. But the result is the same. Our jeans wear out and tear in-between our thighs.

I spent more of my life thinking this is because I’m fat and skinny people won’t understand. I’d be embarrassed if you could see the thigh wear and tear on my jeans. The thigh gap is not something that automatically happens when you lose weight, unless you become a stick. Margot Robbie trained three hours a day to get her thighs and butt looking that good in Suicide Squad. 

Another thing I spent a lot of my life being embarrassed about: breathlessness walking uphill or up stairs. I’d hide the fact that I couldn’t breathe and end up choking on my breath. I’ve had several experiences with fit skinny people who begin to lose their breath at the same point I do. Sure, they may recover faster. But it is not a fat person thing.

There are tons more: insecurity about your body, self consciousness when eating, inability to find a good fitting jeans… Being single,  being cheated in, self hate, not being picked for a team in PE…

If I was just able to speak out on everything I believe was because I was fat, I’d probably realise that maybe two of them only happened to fat people. It could be things that happen to skinny people too but they don’t take notice of it because they aren’t affected by it.

What’s normal has turned into a million reasons for why I hate being fat and,in essence,  why I hate being me.

I’ve been really struggling to motivate myself to lose weight. I just feel in a rut. Unhappy with my life. Unexcited about waking up. 

Most times when I did manage to lose weight, I wasn’t trying to lose weight at all. I was just in a good mental space. Occupied. Fulfilled. Happy. 

I was reading a list on ways people started to lose weight. They usually start with one thing. Something that they know they are overdoing or not doing at all.

This is the article if you’d like to read it:https://www.buzzfeed.com/annaborges/small-changes-for-weight-loss?utm_term=.tyn71wD1l#.qxvYjvOjG

I feel losing weight is this mammoth task. I have like 45 kg to lose. Two years ago I had 25kg to lose. 

I need to just feel again… Somehow…. Find my happiness.  Find my drive. Find my way out of this hole

Update: I had an interesting comment on how people comment on your size. Just because you wear a big size doesn’t mean you are big. You could be as thin as your bone structure allows. You could be tall. You could be thin with a big bum. 

When I was younger, I had a fairly flat tummy, but big boobs and an even bigger butt. I was thin but I had a shape.  I came from a family of super thin people.  No one else had big boobs or a butt. Everyone has a flat rear.  So I got called flat. 

My ex once looked at a young photo of me, one of the few where I wasn’t wearing a baggy t-shirt and extra large pants. He told me I must have been a heart breaker with that shape.  Instead I was overly self conscious,  I was always insecure about how I looked and I hated my body so much that I wanted to kill myself.

I remember one trying on a fitting dress and my mom told me to return it cos my bum looked massive.

Sigh 

Another interesting comment was that skinny doesn’t mean healthy.  You can be fat and extremely healthy but people assume you aren’t. I always got singled out in school by nurses cos I was overweight. It’s as if you are taught from young that fat is unhealthy and skinny is not. Which isn’t the case at all. You can be skinny with diabetes,  high blood pressure,  high cholesterol… And you can be fat and normal… 

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “Insight changes perspective 

  1. I also have the same amount of weigh to lose (I just had to convert this into pounds) haha …. but essentially it’s 100lbs. I’m only down 26 of those, and it seems so daunting to continue the task, but what else can I do except go back to where I started, and then this will all have been for nothing?

    The guy I dated that beat on me and cheated, had a six pack of abs. On the outside he looked fit and trim and all muscle and greatness. But he ate like crap. I mean fast food garbage all day, every day. Lucky for him he had a metabolism. But on the inside? High cholesterol, elevated blood pressure, and so many other things. Just because they are skinny, doesnt’ mean they are healthy. And vice versa – I know plenty of bigger women that have blood work come back great. Cholesterol is in check, iron, sodium, all of it is normal. The body is different for everyone so we really have to stop comparing ourselves to other people. It’s not fair to us or to them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thats exactly it. It’s like you’re taught somehow to believe that fat is bad and unhealthy and everything wrong and skinny is ok. In school i was always singled out to see the visiting nurse who always told me to lose weight. One even told me that losing weight will cure my asthma. But skinny people have asthma too! It feels for me like I have to shed years of misinformation as well as pounds. I’ve also had people look at me and ask if I’m diabetic. Or tell me to watch out for diabetes. But my sugar levels are fine. Skinny people can have diabetes too. It’s sounds like the ex was ugly on the inside in every way. How long did it take you to lose 26 pounds?

      Like

      1. I started June 19th. So I’m just nine days shy of two months … but I hit hard on the calorie counting (no more than 2,000 a day) and as the weight came off, the amount of calories came down. I think I’m at 1800 calories allowed per day right now. I try to stay under it as much as possible.

        Like

  2. I hate it when people comment on other people’s size and how it must affect their health – the leanest, healthiest person I ever met used to cycle to work every day and spent his evenings in the gym, but he dropped dead of a heart attack at 45. My nan was a very large lady and smoked like a chimney but made it to 90. People need to get a grip, thin doesn’t mean healthy and fat doesn’t mean about to die!

    I always thought that if I was slim I’d be happy with my body. But a super slim friend of mine has been having a rough time with her boyfriend and she thinks it is because he isn’t attracted to her anymore because her bum is too small. Wtf woman get a grip! That made me understand that there are probably very few women in the world that are completely happy with their body and would not change a single thing. It made me feel a bit better about myself.

    I’ve spent most of the morning at work reading through your blog. I can really relate with how you feel about weight loss. I have wanted to lose weight since I was about 18, but eight years later I’ve only got heavier. A lot heavier. But something clicked in April this year and I’ve lost about 40lb doing LCHF. I’ve got a long way to go, but I just keep thinking, in a year, I can be the same size or I can be skinnier. Either way it is going to take a year. So I might as well try and be skinnier.

    I think relocating could be a great thing for you. A change of scenery can really do a world of good.

    Like

    1. Hi. It’s so weird, I read your blog and it felt like my life only I haven’t started losing weight. I tried LCHF but I’m prone to utis and it was too acidic for me. I also never made it passed week two Cos I kept getting sick and sinking into carbs. I also love swimming and I also stopped swimming 15 years ago. But when I jump into the pool I feel one with the water, like it’s an extension of myself, as if I’m home. I used to find it relaxing until last year when I went for a swim and got a uti. I hate utis. They’re miserable and make me miserable and it really hurts. I wasn’t part of a fat club In school but I remember always looking at my classmates and deciding where on the fat scale I was. In matric I felt like the fattest in every class. A lot of the other fat girls from my school have also lost weight and look amazing. I just feel really stuck in a hole. I can’t imagine myself being thin. I remember praying every day as a child to be thin. I was 7 or 8. I should have been wishing for a new bike or roller blades. I went as low as a size 34 but I never felt thin. I always felt massive and mocked and uncomfortable. Then I had a guy say that and bamn, I just piled on weight and never stopped. You are right. There is no difference between being fat or being skinny. Haters are gonna hate whatever you are. It’s for u to feel good. Thanks so much for reading my blog. I appreciate your time spent on it. Sometimes it helps just to feel heard. I can’t wait for my favourite dress to fit me again. I can imagine how awesome it must feel. All the best w the wedding dress. I’m here holding thumbs for you

      Like

      1. I am just recovering from a uti and it has really drained me – didn’t even think it was lchf and/or swimming but that would make sense!

        You know what, I can relate to so much of what you’ve said, it’s like I wrote it. I remember being about 8 and pushing on my tummy trying to get rid of it because I wanted to be thin like the other girls. I remember being 10 and crying my eyes out because I felt too fat to go to my friend’s birthday party. I was looking at a picture of myself when I was 14 or so and I can’t believe I thought I was fat then. I was just a normal sized teenage girl. Maybe a few pounds heavier than my friends but definitely not fat.
        A guy once said to me, ‘skinny girls really don’t do it for me, I like big girls like you’ and I felt like he’d punched me in the stomach. He didn’t mean to hurt me but you think these things about yourself, and then when someone says it, it’s like all your fears are confirmed. Like people really just do see you as a fat girl rather than a human being.

        But I’ve learned that my weight isn’t the most important thing about me. And I am in control, I have the power to change it if I want to… I think!

        I look forward to reading more of your blog!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m still considered overweight. But I have the health age “below the age of 18”. My numbers were so low I had to be categorized as 18. I’m 33. Everything was in the green except my weight. My weight got labeled as yellow.
    Meanwhile ths young man in his 20’s who’s at his proper weight, got flagged cause his bad cholesterol was nearly borderline.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s