I spent the day with the ex yesterday. Yes, he’s still an ex. I’m not deluding myself. We just enjoyed each others company.
I guess it was like in The Way We Were when Redford ends it with Streisand and she calls him saying that she’s alone and needs her best friend.
We didn’t sleep so well the first night. Both of us couldn’t fall asleep. But it was a public holiday yesterday so we slept in. He made breakfast while I squeezed oranges. Then we lay in bed and watched Blackish. And later went to see Suicide Squad.
It was calm, chilled and polite without anything coupley. No holding hands or kissing or hugs. We did cuddle. Well I slept On him, just to break the awkwardness.
This morning he held me from behind for a minute then pulled away. I turned and slept on him. I think I disturbed his sleep and he pushed me off and we both turned away and faced opposite sides of the bed. Then randomly he came and held me from behind again.
There’s still love but I’m not hopeful anymore. We didn’t talk about us or the relationship. He’s depressed and feels numb and empty. I’m seriously contemplating relocating. If he came back, I don’t think I’d leave. I’m only relocating so that I’ll be closer to family. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll get a job that reignites my passion.
There’s a lot of things I haven’t done hear that I still want to do.
I’m trying not to think about it anymore. I’m just telling myself that everything will work out as it should… And then I hope for the best.