The strange feeling of being okay-ish

I feel strangely ok with everything.  I don’t know if I’ve accepted it. But I feel okay. Not torn. Not broken. Not angry. 

I’ve always experienced, in times of difficulty,  a proverbial pat on the back from the universe. An it’s gonna be okay.  Usually by a random message from a friend I haven’t heard from in forever. Or someone I never thought of more than an acquaintance who is in my face trying to assist me. 

I was stressing about my trip that I had planned with the bf in three weeks that I already paid for and couldn’t cancel.  I was going to give him a week to reconsider.  But this morning a guy comes hassling me with questions And then invites himself on the trip without me asking. For a moment I thought what if the ex comes back. It’s unlikely.  But I’d planned it with him… I guess the universe is trying to tell me to move on.

I also left my place today with a sense of finality.  I looked up at it and it felt like goodbye. Not that I’m leaving it. I’ll be back there this evening… But I felt lighter. I don’t know.  Maybe I left a part of me in there last night writing all those emails.

I’m starving but I don’t want to eat. I don’t feel like eating. I’m not craving anything. Not sweet. Not salty. Not spicy.

I feel like i just am right now.

I had a pokemon go dream last night. I dreamt I caught a dragonite. And that I was hiding my capture goldmine from the world.

Damn… Just saw another response to my batch of apology emails… Don’t think I can read it…. Argh… But that’s another post.

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