Dear people in happy relationships 

I need advice.

Is this true?

http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/signs-he-is-in-love-with-you/2/

I know I have been swayed by romantic comedies, but I need to know what’s real.

Is it too much to expect your boyfriend to not disappear when you go on holiday? To answer their phone and if they’re busy to at least call back  within a two hour period? And not disappear for over 10 hours three days in a row? To check in on your trip? To see how things are going?

Is it too much to expect your boyfriend to care about you when you are sick? To at least check in and see how you feel? To ask what’s wrong? To try and swing by with soup when you say you haven’t eaten in three days, even if it’s store bought? To want to be with you even if they can’t? 

Is it too much to expect a man to be supportive? To try if they don’t know how? To listen to your dilemma and see if there’s any way they can help?

Especially a guy you’ve spent around three years with. A guy who you’ve been there for through his hardest?

Is it too much to ask your boyfriend to let you know when he arrives somewhere and when he’s leaving?  Just so that you know his safe.  To expect him to understand that you get anxious when he says he’s leaving and then doesn’t arrive or answer his phone for two hours? To understand that repeatedly doing this is a justified reason for you to be upset? 

I feel like I’m making a mistake walking away. That my expectations are too high. That men aren’t as wired to care and love and nurture as women do. And that I’m walking away from something real and amazing.

At the same time, I can’t help feeling like I deserve more.  Three years of the same fight. Three years of me feeling like I’m just not a priority in his life.

When a man loves you, does he make you feel important? Does he make a note of plans to ensure he doesn’t forget them? 

I understand and forgive a first or second time “it skipped my mind” but when u feel like they just never make the plans with u a priority. 

Is it too much to expect a boyfriend who knows im on my way to fetch him and I’m sick, to be ready when I get there? And not start washing his sisters car as I arrive and have me waiting for two hours when I haven’t eaten for three days and we were on our way to get supper?

I get different cultures have different priorities. I get that different people love differently.  

I told him that I’m almost 30 and I just want to feel important to someone.  I want to feel cared for and supported. I want to know that if I need them they’re a call away. I want to feel like a team. Like we’re moving forward into the future together.

It’s not that I don’t feel loved by him. It’s that he’s never consistent or reliable or stable. 

When I went on my trip, I already had a feeling that he’d disappear. That he won’t check in on me. That he’d end up bunking work and I won’t get ahold of him.

To have those expectations before a trip and then it happens…. I don’t know. He says this time he was depressed. But to me it’s just another time that I felt let down.

We’ve been through a lot together. I feel completely broken that it feels over between us. 

I’m just tired of feeling so alone.  Feeling like in every hardship I’ve had to pull myself out on my own.

Is there a guy out there who’s real and treats people the way I yearn to be treated? Who’d be genuinely kind and caring and still stay faithful? Or am I expecting too much? 

I have the belief that this man doesn’t exist. That all men like this have been taken. And that if he is single,  I am unworthy of such love.

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3 thoughts on “Dear people in happy relationships 

  1. If it doesn’t feel right, let it go. You need to love yourself before you can love others or for someone to love you. I was fumbling myself. I was in a relationship of 8 years to the point that we almost got married. I knew it wasn’t gonna happen. If I had to initiate every aspect of life in our relationship, he wasn’t right for me. Giving up my life and who I am was not the right decision for me.

    After I broke up with him, I got into a few relationships. They weren’t long term relationships and some were major heartbreak. When you’re young, you think you knew what you want, but you really don’t. Then I met my husband.
    I didn’t even think I was going to be with him. We were more like friends than lover. As a matter of fact, we’re still friends now and we have a son together. I never expected anything out of him. What swept me off my feet was when he texted me to tell me that he cared about me. I knew right then that I wanted to be with this man. He loves me for who I am and not for who he wants me to be. This is an important key in a relationship. He has to accept you for who you are and so you can do the same for him.

    There’s a poem that a friend of mine gave me when I was dealing with my heartache. It made sense. You have to appreciate yourself before you can be with the right person. http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com. It might not be relevant to how you’re feeling right now, but basically learn to let go if the person is not right for you. The reason people stay in an unhappy relationship is because they’re afraid of unhappiness outside of a relationship. If you are happy being single, love will find you. My husband found me. We found each other. We accept each other for who we are. Love yourself, love who you are. The right person will come along and you will never have to question why he doesn’t call, why he doesn’t do this, why he doesn’t do that. You know why? Because he’ll do it automatically because he wants to and not because you asked him to. Good luck on your relationship.

    Like

  2. If it doesn’t feel right, let it go. You need to love yourself before you can love others or for someone to love you. I was fumbling myself. I was in a relationship of 8 years to the point that we almost got married. I knew it wasn’t gonna happen. If I had to initiate every aspect of life in our relationship, he wasn’t right for me. Giving up my life and who I am was not the right decision for me.

    After I broke up with him, I got into a few relationships. They weren’t long term relationships and some were major heartbreak. When you’re young, you think you knew what you want, but you really don’t. Then I met my husband.
    I didn’t even think I was going to be with him. We were more like friends than lover. As a matter of fact, we’re still friends now and we have a son together. I never expected anything out of him. What swept me off my feet was when he texted me to tell me that he cared about me. I knew right then that I wanted to be with this man. He loves me for who I am and not for who he wants me to be. This is an important key in a relationship. He has to accept you for who you are and so you can do the same for him.

    There’s a poem that a friend of mine gave me when I was dealing with my heartache. It made sense. You have to appreciate yourself before you can be with the right person. http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com. It might not be relevant to how you’re feeling right now, but basically learn to let go if the person is not right for you. The reason people stay in an unhappy relationship is because they’re afraid of unhappiness outside of a relationship. If you are happy being single, love will find you. My husband found me. We found each other. We accept each other for who we are. Love yourself, love who you are. The right person will come along and you will never have to question why he doesn’t call, why he doesn’t do this, why he doesn’t do that. You know why? Because he’ll do it automatically because he wants to and not because you asked him to. Good luck on your relationship.

    Like

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