F**ked

How do men get so cold? So emotionless when dealing with someone they love?

Last week,  in the worst week of my life,  when I messaged my boyfriend to please be there for me and he broke up with me, I was shocked.  I thought we were in a good space for the first time in months.  I thought that we were building a future. That he loved me. 

Still sick, still miserable,  I messaged him on Saturday to please come and hold me and he can break up with me on Monday.  I thought it was cute. I didn’t believe the break up was real. I didn’t believe we could be so close one week and me meeting his father and being there for his sister, and the next week he’d be done with me.

I even told his sister to smack him on the head because things between us for the first time this year were fine. 

He came on Saturday around 11pm. Something had gone wrong and I’d gone to assist him. I bought him burger king. He held me. We slept.

He was a little drunk and during the night he kept trying to have sex with me. I didn’t want to. I didn’t know where we were. We hadn’t spoken. I didn’t want to sleep with someone who still wanted to break up with me.

At the third request I stopped him and told him that I love you. He said he loved me too.

He made love to me. It was amazing.  He pulled out all his tricks. He made sure I organised. 

I slept like a baby. I thought it was real.  I thought it was meaningful. I felt like we had reconnected. 

Today, as we came home,  days later of me believing that we were good and I was safe, he tells me that Saturday was his farewell.  He came to give me one last f**k. 

I felt so torn. How could he be so cold? How could I not feel the difference? 

It felt like some evil payback. And it really hurt that he could just walk away from my I love you. Just lie about how he felt for a shag.

Like my many one night stands.

Only we had three years on our belt. Three years and he feels nothing. He plans to come over, fk me, and never see me again.

He later said he was joking. But I didn’t believe him. No joke is that intentionally mean. 

I think he wanted me to know that he is ready to leave me forever. 

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