Saying I need you

It’s never been easy for me to ask for help. I’d rather not and find a way to handle things myself. It’s who i am. I don’t want to bother people with my shit.

Sometimes it’s just too big for me to handle and I have to ask for help because I’m on the verge of falling a part.

I usually ask people who i think I mean something to… And almost every time it’s been a slap in the face.

Friends, family, teachers…

I feel like I’ve spent my whole life giving and doing for others and there’s never anyone around to help me. 

A week ago when things started crumbling I told my boyfriend I just needed support cos I felt alone. And his response was I didn’t ask for support. In my head I thought can’t you see how this affects me. Can’t you consider my emotions? 

So today I asked my boyfriend to be there for me because I’m sick and wanted to be held, and he broke up with me.

He broke up with me.

I’m in shock. For the first time this year I thought our relationship had reached solid ground.

Maybe I’m just easily indispensable.  Maybe I give when people don’t actually need me to be there for them.

I’m so broken right now. 

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