I’m all for feminism. I’m all for women being treated well. Im against gaslighting and invalidating women. I think it’s wrong to stereotype women…
But the truth is, women can be pretty unstable.
Sure, when I was younger I didn’t understand it. I once joked about my girlfriend being crazy and having mood swings and being so hard to deal with that it made me straight for life. In truth, I was a bitch to her. I was undecided, uncommitted and all she wanted to do was love me.
No person has ever loved me the way she loved me. It was a complete love. An unconditional love. It wasn’t enough to make me love her back but damn I miss her. I miss her support and constant affirmation and her unfaltering willingness to put up with my bullshit.
I don’t think men are wired to love in that nurturing way. It’s what women do.
But women are crazy.
A colleague was telling me today that his wife, who he’s been with for 13 years, we’re close to a divorce a few months ago. They had a kid two years ago. He said she lost her job and had a breakdown and he couldn’t cope.
But they went to a shrink and learnt how to deal with it.
It got me thinking. Women tend to be emotional, sensitive and heavily influenced by their hormones regardless how mild their pms symptoms are. Men tend to be more rational, more guided by facts and pleasures.
Men seem simple but they’re harder to read. Women seem more complex but are simple to read if you pay attention to them. That’s were most conflict occurs.
I myself prefer male bosses because they’re easier to work with. Sure they have mood swings and outbursts and bad days. But it’s controlled in a way. You can see it coming. It doesn’t become personal.
I’ve only had one female boss that I loved. But she only worked half a day and kept her life balanced. She was never stressed by work. I don’t know… She was different… Free… She did tell me about her tantrums, all of which occurred at home. She once got so angry at her daughter that she pulled her by her hair and dragged her to her room…
My friend and I were chatting today about how age affects our moods. During menstruation, my friend said shes also started getting more emotional and less in control of those emotions. And it’s never around a set period. It’s somewhere in those two weeks where you body wants to make a baby and you fail it.
Then comes the baby and that really messes with your hormones. I myself described my sister as batshit crazy for a year after each kid.
Then there’s family planning and each of those affects each women differently. Another friend of mine who’s on the pill said the pill calms her down and keeps her pms at bay. But when I tried the pill, it made me insane. I started sobbing in the middle of the mall because I was tired and my ex was walking too fast.
Another friend said his girlfriend lost the plot one day at a restaurant because he food didn’t taste as she had anticipated.
And throughout life it just gets worse. Sleep deprivation makes us monsters. Then there’s menopause. Followed by else.
This isn’t an excuse for Monday. The boyfriends coming over to talk later. I’m not looking forward to it. We’re both still embarrassed. I wear my hoodie over my face coming in and going out of my place.
I still don’t know what to say to him. I gave him my blog address thinking maybe if he reads it he’ll understand me a bit better. At the same time I’m afraid that if he reads this he won’t like what he reads.
I doubt he will read it. So no need to stress about it. He’s not a big reader and isn’t a techno person.
I guess the best I can do is say I’m sorry. Maybe he’ll love me enough to stay. I know though that if he does stay, it’s going to be a while before he’s comfortable with me again… Before he trusts me.