Every morning I wake up wanting to sleep all day. It takes over an hour to pull myself out of bed. I feel heavy. Low. It takes over an hour for me to pull on clothes cos the thought of having to see people and talk to them pains me.
I’m much better when my boyfriends around. He gives me reason to wake up. Not a deep happy reason. If he’s late for work he’d get fired.
He’s got a routine now. Up at 5, gym at 6, work at 7. I realised this morning that because of this routine, it’s unlikely that he’ll be spending weekdays with me any time soon.
Which made me realise that I need to find my routine. I need to pull myself out of bed. I need to cook supper even if he’s not around.
I hardly ever cook supper for myself. With him around I’d make stuffed chicken breasts or fish and veg or tuna stuffed in tomato. Yesterday I just bought two pieces of chicken and ate that for supper.
I need to find my joy. My rhythm. My zest for life.
Like everyone, I hate my office job. I want money. I want to travel. I want Road trips and adventure. I wanna see things and live.
Right now, it doesn’t feel like I’m living. I’m just surviving.