Is he cheating on me?

They say that if you have to ask that question then it’s likely to be true.

Here’s the truth: my current boyfriend had cheated on me before. Three years ago. I was the unknowing other woman who thought I’d met my soul mate. I fell apart. I really didn’t see it coming. I was in my own happy bubble then bamn… It was all a lie.

Six months later, we hooked up again, as new people. I’d sort of got my life together, lost over ten kg… I was great but lonely. And when we met up again, it was as if nothing had happened, as if we’d never been apart. I believed we had a strong connection. He always had this pull over me.

There was something else, after I found out he cheated, I made a pact that I would spend 6 months without a guy. Sort out my head. And, like fate,  he’d called me on the day that six month pact ended.

This was the 11 June 2014.

Sure the relationships been a battle since. We’ve gone through a lot, worked through a lot. When I’m with him, I’m happy. We’re happy. Most days.

Since January there’s been a woman that keeps popping up. We have had countless arguments about her. He’s lied to me about seeing her, about blocking her, about who she was when I once bumped into her. On Sunday we didn’t go to his friends party cos she was there. Even though we were ten minutes away.

The worst part is any mention of her created a disastrous fight. He’d switch from happy to hulk in seconds and he’d always leave after a fight about her. Always. I once asked him to choose between remaining to be her friend or being with me and he left. Didn’t speak to me for days.

The thing is, I understood him. I believed him. While I feared the worst, my heart trusted that he’d never hurt me that way again.

It’s sounds bad that he lied but I understand why he did, in retrospect. And deep down, if I listened to my gut, I don’t believe he cheated on me. I font believe he could even kiss another woman without first ending things with me. I don’t believe that what we have meant nothing to him and he would’ve gone that far. Even after a fight and short break up.

I think he officially told her to leave him alone two weeks ago just before he changed his whatsapp profile picture to my face. I felt her disappear. I felt things gets better. And the weird thing is, I always felt when they were back in contact. Maybe I picked up on some body language. And every time i felt that I’d see her number pop up on his phone while we were together. A message or call or something.

But for a while we’ve been good and things have been fairly smooth. Until Sunday when she popped up again.

The above is just the summarised worst of it. He’s also told her to leave him alone but she kept calling. Sometimes she’d call five times in a row. He’d ignore her for a whole weekend but she’d still call every night. Before I went to my home town for a holiday a few weeks back, she called him four nights in a row and I decided that I can’t fight it anymore. I told him that I’d trust him and he wanted to be her friend he could be as long as he was honest about it.

But then when I came back I found out that he had lied again about seeing her. He lied three times. Only telling me the truth the third time cos he knew I knew.

I have no evidence that they’ve hung out and he’s mostly with me. Some time ago when she sent him a message saying she was worried about him, I replied. She phoned me and screamed at me in response. Saying that he had a duty to respond to her and that he’d already responded… This after he told me he’d never contact her again. She told me never to call her and to leave her alone and I said no problem. She swore me and screamed at me. Said I was immature and pathetic.  I just waited until she was done and said “ok bye”. She had also sent me a pic before saying “keep calm. The main chick and the side chick aren’t any different. They both get dick and lies” when I’d tried to ask her in a really nice way if something was going on.

My boyfriends sister described her as a forcer and from what his cousin has said, no one really likes her…  But I don’t know if that’s only to make me happy.

She’s skinny w big boobs and easy. I say easy cos a guy at work saw her online and is trying to hook up with her. Without meeting she’s sent him naked pictures. She knows he has a wife but she’s going along and calls him every day at work.

He showed me the messages and photos she sent. I recognised her boobs on my boyfriends phone. She had sent my bf a pic on his birthday and I knew it was hers cos there’s not many skinny ppl with massive boobs who he’d know and it was definitely a home pic, not an Internet pic.

But here comes the issue… Naturally months after it stopped being an issue.

The guy at work randomly came to me to say my boyfriend is cheating on me. She told him that my boyfriend was her boyfriend.

Everything she said matched my boyfriend. From his name to his life. She told the work guy she was at her boyfriends cousins birthday on Sunday, that she hangs out with his sister who lives with her boyfriend and who stays where my bf lives. She also said he hadn’t spoken to her in two weeks, which was when my bf told her to stop contacting him, but said that he met up with her today and he wants her back. And that he always keeps coming back. She said that while I was in durban he took her on a date and that at his sisters friends party he’d told her he wanted to be committed to her and was gonna end it with me but I apparently couldnt handle it and he stayed with me out of pity.

She even told the work guy that she had called me to leave her alone because I was “harassing” her. From that one message.

He gave me a long speech about men after thinking that I really was the pathetic girl she’d made me to be.

My heart fell. Could it be my boyfriend? Why would she lie to this guy?  Maybe she saw we worked at the same place and shes playing him. But this guy and I aren’t even friends on Facebook and I doubt she knows where I work. We’d never really spoken until he came to tell me my boyfriend is cheating. Maybe she’s just crazy and wishes my boyfriend was her boyfriend.

Or maybe my boyfriends cheating on me?

I’m falling apart.

I don’t know what I want from life. But I know it’s not this. Not this anxiety. For five months this chick keeps popping up somewhere. Why couldn’t he just end things with her on Jan 2 before she became an issue. Before my ruined birthday. Before the weekend I was depressed and he chose to be at a party with her instead of being with me. Before his birthday when I saw her boobs and she ruined our epic day together. Before Valentines day when we decided to work on our relationship for the third time and he’d said he’d stop all contact with her but didn’t. Before he’d started lying about why she was still contacting him, saying he wanted to end things with her face to face even though he promised he’d never see her again without me around, before he sided with her and said I was harassing her because I sent her one sms…

Why is this still an issue? Am I being an idiot? Am I being love blind when something is clearly not right?

If I mention her he’s says he’s tired of talking about her and that we have bigger issues. He screams. Says he’s done discussing it.

But I feel hurt. I feel unsafe. I feel betrayed. A guy is showing me hardcore evidence that some girl out there believes my boyfriend is her boyfriend. But my gut says no. Is it my gut or is it my ego?

I know I won’t break up w him. I’m not strong enough. I tell myself that maybe in the future I’ll move back home where I’m not alone. Where I have friends and family and support. And I’ll be ok.

There’s just something about him. He has a crazy hold on me. And when things end, it cuts deeper than ever before and I can’t survive.

All I can do is pray. That someday I’ll know…

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