Exhausted

I’m completely exhausted.  I feel like I’m constantly complaining but doing nothing to change my situation but all I wanna do is sleep. My place is a disaster. I keep forgetting to take the vitamins that I know will make me feel better.

All I wanna do is sleep. And I know tomorrow, cos it’s a Saturday and because I can sleep,  I will wake up early.

I was thinking I should see a shrink. But they’re expensive and my last two appointments felt like a waste of money. Maybe there are no solutions. No sudden sparks of inspiration.  I just have to get up and go. Start. Begin again.

I found this article browsing through social media: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/to-anyone-who-thinks-theyre-falling-behind_b_9190758.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000051

It spoke to me. I’m a big googler of lists and steps to be a better person, a better girlfriend,  make him not cheat, wake up earlier, be more successful,  more creative, more productive… Just be more.

Somedays it feels like hope. If I just follow these steps I’ll transform. Other days it feels impossible. Because all the things I need to change have a million different steps and it’s all too much. Then I sink and wake up saying “I’m going to just be me”… Til the next time I Google.

It’s a cycle. It’s hard to stop with the world/Internet constantly pointing out your flaws.

You’re codependent.
You try too hard.
You’re lazy.
You’re depressed.
Your teeth are weak.
You don’t work hard enough.
You’re poor.
You’re not good enough.
You have a disassociative personality.
You’re passive aggressive.
You’re a doormat.
You’re stuck in the past.
You’re not productive enough.
You lack vitamins.
You don’t dress well for your shape.
Your hairs weak.
You need to eat this not that.
You need to please your boyfriend
You need to be more authentic.
You need to stand up for who you are.

And at the end of the list of everything wrong with me, all I feel is tired. Exhausted.  Ready to fall where I am and sleep.

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10 thoughts on “Exhausted

  1. Life is exhausting! Is exhausting when it’s easy but when you have things like this to deal with, is exponentially moredo. I think there is a solution somewhere for you. It may take a while to find and a lot of work but I believe it’s there πŸ’š

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  2. Don’t let the internet/world determine who you are hon! You do you and things will fall in place. I used to be so sad and overly conscious about my body that I stopped meeting people,and that only made me sadder. Now that I am learning to be indifferent to what people think of me, I sure as hell feel better. I hope this helps! XX πŸ™‚

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  3. Often, I have felt the same. I call it “consistently inconsistent” and it is an exhausting feeling. Especially when you see people or other girls on Instagram or even in real life who are consistently succeeding in all that they do. I would recommend two books to you, and maybe you have heard of them, but they really helped me see a different perspective. I still struggle with my inconsistentness so I can’t say it is a fool-proof plan, but it is a start. And starting is the hardest part.

    Hal Elrod – The Miracle Morning (This one you have to really vibe with but it has good examples and lots of online support stuff as welll)
    Mel Robbins – Stop Saying You’re Fine (This one is like the bitch-slap in the face that will bring you to reality, quick. Great read and lots of examples and ways to help give yourself structure.) She also has a great Ted Talk which is how I heard about her book. Check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp7E973zozc

    Liked by 1 person

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